Making and keeping friends is a skill which children need to learn. Mostly it comes from experience but there are things parents can do to help smooth the path.
Children today are said to be finding it more difficult to establish friendships. This may be directly related to modern life and the impact it has on a child's development. Here are five possible stumbling blocks to becoming a well liked and reliable friend.
1) Unrealistic expectations
Young children often like people because they give them what they want. They have not yet developed the thinking skills or emotional awareness to realise that people should be valued for themselves. Help your child to appreciate others for their personal qualities and achievements. Learning appreciation and gratitude will guide them in the skills needed to judge others and to choose rewarding relationships.
2) Over stimulation
The high levels of stimulation and excitement provided by television and games consoles can make real world play with friends seem slow and ordinary. Children whose imaginations have been passively following virtual games can struggle to create satisfying play. Ration time spent with these passive pastimes. These electronic toys bombard your child's attention and discourage them from using their own imagination. Encourage your child to play independently on a daily basis making up their own games.
3) Impatience
We live in a 24/7 world where it can be possible to get whatever you want quickly and with little effort. Patience and foresight are skills which are needed in friendships in order to fit in with others and go with the flow. Encourage your child to anticipate treats and learn the pleasure of waiting for fulfillment.
4) Restricted opportunities to learn
Developing friendship skills take time and practice. The capacity for friendship grows as children mature. Their thinking skills and emotional sensitivity become more refined. Smaller families and our aversion to risk can mean that children have less time to spend with friends. Parental caution can also mean that parents over react when things get tricky between younger children. Avoid the negative spiral of over protection and reduced contact, by organising play dates and encouraging your child to invite friends home. Getting together with other parents can be a good way of providing opportunities for your child to play with others in a safe environment.
5) Lack of mentoring and support
Older kids used to be around to keep an eye on the younger ones, to take them places and show them the ropes. Smaller families still need to guide their children and often formal activities are chosen instead, so football training replaces a kick around with the bigger kids. Children learn the same ball skills but the presence of adults in charge may inhibit the time that kids get just hanging out and watching how the older kids do things. Consider finding some mixed age activities locally or organise something with your relations or work colleagues. Many children now live polarised lives either being with others of exactly the same age at school or being under the guiding wing of an adult. Kids learn a lot from slightly older role models who they can observe, admire and try to emulate.
